Thinking different

Have you ever wondered how people always seem to be disagreeing? No two could always agree on something always! Be it a happily married couple, best friends or close siblings. It's impossible. Why?

Here is a possible solution. It maybe false - but it is what strikes to me as being the most appropriate answer to the above question.

People disagree - or see things differently - because each has a different image of the event in his or her mind. What contributes to this formation of a mental picture in our minds? I think it is the memory we associate to an object, person, place or event.

Take the word 'apple'. Some people, when they read the word 'apple', image a luscious red apple. Some, probably, think of it's sweet crunchiness. Some, on the other hand imagine russets. Maybe other few think of a bottle green coloured fruit. The permutations and combinations are as endless of the number of people who chance upon the word. But, take the case of someone who has never seen the fruit - what they imagine is based solely on others' interpretations of it - a red, sort of roundish, sweet fruit which is white and crispy inside. I think the reader will agree when I say that if the person were to see an apple after imagining what it looks like to him, he'll get a rude shock as to what an apple really is compared to his imagined apple!

Now, if that is the case with an apple - think of the thousands of things we come across each day - news on TV, gossip in magazines, blogs on the internet, mails from distant friends, songs on the radio, poetry, bus rides, classrooms - the list is endless! Would it be hard to imagine that each individual on this planet has a different point of view, a different perspective to look from every waking and sleeping moment of his or her life?

It would be very hard to tell who is right and who is wrong amongst all this different opinions. After all, isn't each and everyone of us convinced that what we say, think or do is absolutely true? That we are thinking 'for the best of everyone else involved'? How can I say that someone else is wrong when I am not even sure if I am right? What right do I have to judge someone else's actions when I have no clue about what the situation really is? How do I know that my mental image of 'the apple' is the same as the other persons?

Confusing, isn't it? There was a time that my mental images of the world were purely digital - as an telecommunication engineer would put it. Just black and white - no confusing shades in between. But the more and more I get to know of the world - the more and more I meet people, I begin to understand that the world and the truth are not just a black and white picture - there are several shades of grey in between.

I have learnt that what is more important than deciding what is good for everyone else is to think of my own good first. No - not the selfish style - but to see to it that what I do is just and fair - to myself and others in my situation. (Here, I do not try to convince, change or blame 'the others'.)

To offer help when needed - not to force it unnecessarily.

To 'walk around in the other person's shoes for a while' as Atticus Finch puts it - so that I can see 'the apple' as much as possible like them and learn to adjust my own response to the situation in a way that is appealing to all involved. Maybe that's what the rule 'To respond but not to react' means!

I stand up for my views - but with an open mind to what others have to say ('my idea of the apple may be all wrong!'). I respect what the other person has to say - even if my ideas are not respected. The only time I speak up or do something uncalled for is when I see something terribly unjust happening before my eyes that is undoubtedly wrong by all accounts.

Well, I might be totally wrong. Or totally right. Or neither right nor wrong. There was a time I believed that right and wrong were opposites - that good people were good to me and made no mistakes and bad people were bad to me and did no good whatsoever! My belief may have been incorrect - but I took a risk and learned a precious lesson from it. Maybe by changing my belief to 'No good person is completely good and no bad person is completely bad' as Lord Krishna says in the Gita, I might still be wrong. But it is a risk I am willing to take!

I'll end this post with a prayer that has touched thousands of people. This prayer is famous but it's source is unknown. The author of the prayer remains unknown as far I remember ('I maybe wrong!') - but it was sent by post to the fledgling head office of Alcoholics Annonymous in 1930s (I think!). Ever since, it has remained a part of every AA meeting - a source of inspiration for those who are in despair and are looking with arms open to a chance of hope of recovery from alcohol abuse.

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.